The haunting Halloween week of Fall 2024 brought a chill over the league as bowlers took to the lanes under a shadow of suspense. JoAnne Barber braved the eerie tension, snagging this week's high game (134) and series (369) for the woman, while Aaron Barber claimed the men’s high game with a hair-raising 240 and Seth Gunderson’s wicked high series of 623 was nothing short of legendary. But amid the celebrations, bowlers whispered of a masked figure prowling the alley. One by one, bowlers began to vanish...

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: The undead stirred as the (s)UNdead Dolphins clashed with Disembowels Deep. Surprise sub Matt Jaklevich (a veteran of another St. John's league), unfazed by the night's strange occurrences, rolled a solid 536 series. But even his performance couldn't allow the Dolphins to get more than one win. Meanwhile, Kent Harms, despite an off-night with his 483 series, led Disembowels Deep to claim three chilling wins, their spirits soaring as they climbed to 3rd place. Just as the night’s final ball was rolled, a scream echoed from behind the pinsetters. One of the Dolphins’ players? Missing... and Clayton's absence suddenly took on a more sinister tone. Was he really absent, or was he the killer, or was his absence arranged so that Matt could sneak in as a sub to pick off our bowlers? Or perhaps it was Ron -- the only clue was a trail of saltwater and seaweed showing that the missing Dolphin had been dragged to the mechanical room.

On lanes 3 & 4: Satan's Succubus Sausages™ faced off against the lurking horror of the Tentacles of Terror. AJ Hofmann’s 495 series was a shaky blessing for the Sausages, who managed only a single win against the cephalopod horrors. Tentacles of Terror, with Matthew Taylor’s bone-chilling 605 series and the relentless #1 Power-Ranked Chris Windham, thrashed their opponents with three monstrous wins, remaining in 1st place. Just as the Tentacles began their victory chant, the lights flickered. By the time they steadied, one of the Sausages had vanished. Droplets of blood formed a trail leading to the men's restroom, but the trail ended at the short urinal and went no further.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6, the night reached its fever pitch. In a battle fit for the apocalypse, the swamp-dwelling Swampy Thang crushed the unfortunate Flaying Skins in the Dungeons. Led by #1 Head-to-Head and Most Valuable Bowler Seth Gunderson’s unholy 623 series, Swampy Thang collected a full sweep, leaving the Flayed Skins devastated as they were utterly defeated. Nathan Burrows fought hard with his 420 series, but the Skins fell apart entirely, sinking deeper into despair. Just as Swampy Thang celebrated their rise to 4th place, a deep chill filled the lanes. The Skins’ captain vanished, the whisper of a blade hanging in the air as the remaining bowlers quickly scattered, wondering if they’d make it out alive.

As the scores were locked in, one thing was certain: the masked killer would strike again. The alley grew silent, its shadows longer, as the remaining bowlers hurried into the night, hoping to escape the masked figure's deadly game. And with no shortage of suspects yet no one caught, the danger is not over! Among bowlers: Clayton, Carl, and Nick had no alibis. Among St. John's staff: Joe and Nick also had no alibi, and Alex was sometimes nowhere to be seen. Ron was initially a suspect, but he was talking to the bowlers on lanes 1 & 2 when JoAnne was murdered. A member of another league subbing in our league the same night three bowlers disappeared is concerning. There was also no shortage of strangers in the bar area either. Will any of us survive the season with a brutal killer still lurking among us???

Bowlers who clawed themselves from the grave and slithered directly to The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (240), Ben Spencer (204), Chris Windham (201), Dennis Walling (200), Matthew Taylor (222,203), and Seth Gunderson (212,208,203)

A new personal high game was set tonight by Brian Schaben (170, previous best 156). In addition, a new personal best series was rolled by Chris Windham (556, previous best 526).

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Seth Gunderson creamed Division 1, while Scott Thompson rolled his ass to the top of Division 2. Chris Windham swept Division 3, and Jim Koger crushed Division 4. In terms of overall points: Seth Gunderson governs Division 1; Scott Murdock calls the shots for Division 2; Chris Windham, JoAnne Barber, and Buck Nasty lead Division 3 in a tie; and Brian Schaben dominates Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 4th-place Scootytang will throw some gutter balls with 2nd-place Scooter's Succulent Sausages™ (hcp 40). Tang is expected to maintain their current strength as they and split the series with Sausages; while Sausages are forecast to raise their average while they keep the series tied.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place Stealing Pins in te Burrows (hcp 49) will share a couple of pitchers with 3rd-place Bowls Deep. Pin Thieves might roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Bowls ought to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 153) will match wits with 1st-place Squid Row. Dolphins are predicted to have a bit of an off night and get swept; while Calimari is anticipated to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Seth Gunderson Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Chris Windham Runner Up: Seth Gunderson	#1 H2H BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Chris Windham
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Dried up bones??? You made me the dried-up bones?" Brian Schaben, offended by the randomized Halloweenization of his name.