For most of the league it was simply too far past their bedtimes, but those who stuck around to the end experienced quite the show. That said, much like the conclusion of bowling this week, we'll come to that in due time.As Scott Murdock walked into the bowling alley this evening, he noticed Jonathan Vigliaturo standing outside near the back door. Making eye contact, Scoot flashed him a grin, followed by a point and a nod as if to say "you're going down," Scoot headed inside, where he then learned that JV was in fact in another state and Scoot had instead just taunted a total stranger that happened to resemble him. The embarrassment of this apparently set his tone for the evening, as Scoot would go on to earn this week's Least Valuable Bowler accolade. Though Sean Simmons stepped up to lead 404: Team Name Not Found to a single victory with his 490 series, this matchup quickly fell under the spell of John Boren. Rolling a punishing 661 series, Boren took Fallop Ian to decisive victories for the remainder of the series. Fallop Ian remains in 1st place, while 404: Team Name Not Found, despite their three losses, moves up 1 spot to 4th.
Slow and Steady Wins the Race
Fallop Ian Squeezes Through a Small Lead
Half of tonight's matchups saw underdogs come out on top, while the other half saw bullies beat up on their prey. Which way did each matchup go? Read on to find out.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Bowlgasmic intended to crush Glory Bowl into oblivion. Glory Bowl was already suffering due to Chelsie Finger needing to drop out for the season ue to an elbow injury. But then Bowlgasmic lost both Michelle Tollefson and Angela Bradford for the evening. As it turns out, the bad boys of Bowlgasmic flounder in the absence of their team's women. Kody Karnes and his 606 series proved to be no match for the 536 series by Andrew Finger and a Most Valuable Bowler performance by AJ Hofmann, allowing Glory Bowl a clean sweep over their presumed vanquisher. Bowlgasmic drops 3 spots in the standings to 6th place, while Glory Bowl moves up 1 spot to 4th.
Theory of Relativity Proven
Just days after the announcement that gravity waves were detected, another portion of Einstein's Theory of Relativity was proven tonight when the matchup that involved Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! finished in less time than any other matchup! Granted, they shed half of their mass in order do do it, but it's all part of the famous equation.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: The usual members of Split It & Hit It did battle with a pint-sized Holy Sandbaggers, Batman!. Led by Dennis Blake and his 542 series, Split It & Hit It managed only 1 win against the Sandbaggers. Meanwhile, and out-of-control Phil Schroeder rolled a 599 series to secure 3 wins for Batman. Split It & Hit It drops 1 spot in the standings to 7th place, while Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! remains in 4th.On lanes 43 & 44: A Scoot-less 404: Team Name Not Found met with Greg Middleton infused Split Sisters. Sean Simmons practiced and propelled himself to become this week's #1 Power Ranked Bowler with his 480 series, leading Not Found to 3 wins against Split Sisters. Meanwhile, sub Greg Middleton's 430 series helped earn Split Sisters their first victory of the season with a game 3 win. 404: Team Name Not Found climbs 1 spot in the standings to 6th place, while Split Sisters remains in 8th.On lanes 45 & 46: Fallop Ian attempted to stimulate some follicles after a Bowlgasmic experience. However, though led by John Boren and his 615 series, the Fallop Ian tubes were blocked and released only 1 win against Bowlgasmic. Meanwhile, with Kody Karnes setting the new season high with his 686 series, and an assist by Bob Brunker's #1 Head-to-Head performance, Bowlgasmic pounded out another 3 wins. Fallop Ian remains in 1st place, while Bowlgasmic jumps 2 spots to 3rd.Finally, down on lanes 47 & 48: Bowies In Space found themselves gravitationally pulled into half of a Glory Bowl. Led by Michael Mead and his MVB-earning 590 series, Bowies In Space launched 3 wins against Glory Bowl. Meanwhile, led by Andrew Finger and his 478 series, Glory Bowl only managed to get one off before getting caught in the act. Bowies In Space remains in 2nd place, while Glory Bowl sinks 2 spots to 5th.The Tournament of Champions is now set to begin next week, the devisions are as follows. (Since Chelsie Finger has missed the first part of the season due to a an elbow injury, she has been seeding using her results from the last time she bowled, week 16 of last season. Read the rest of this entry »
Six More Weeks of Cheese Sticks
Bowling took way too long tonight due to some major lane malfunctions, and Scoot has to get up way too early tomorrow, so portions of this week's writeup are computer-generated. Apologies in advance for the lameness of ScooterProgramming™ computer-generated writing.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Glory Bowl, still missing its Fingers, spent a romantic evening with Split Sisters. And, due to some flawed advice by yours truly, which I feel terrible about, the Split Sisters ended up swept by the Glory Bowl when they could have just barely won game 1. Tim Deddens had the most fun with his Glory Bowl with his 407 series, while Michelle Shoemaker did the Split with her 353. Glory Bowl climbs 4 spots in the standings to 3rd place, while Split Sisters remains in 8th.
Off And Rolling
The first week of our 33rd season began with lots of laughter and reunions, progressed through lots of beer, and ended with four teams rubbing their sore butts.First up, on lanes 41 & 42, a 404: Team Name Not Found suffering from 50% their normal level of Seans launched the season with a half-rookied Bowies In Space. Led by Scott Murdock and his 479 series, Team Name Not Found managed only 1 win against Bowies In Space. Meanwhile, Aaron Barber and his 607 series led Bowies In Space to 3 wins before floating off in a tin can. 404: Team Name Not Found debuts in 6th place, while Bowies In Space debuts in 2nd.
Let’s Try This Again… It’s Time to Bowl!
After last week's over-panicked snow meltdown, we're ready to give starting this season a second shot! With the weather clowns forecasting partly sunny skies and a temperature a little above freezing, we ought to be a go this Tuesday, January 26th.The rest of this post is a repeat of what was posted last week. If you are new to the league or haven't rolled with us in a while, please read through the "INFO FOR THE NEWCOMERS & RETURNEES" section below if you didn't already do so last week.
This season will feature six new recruits making their debut this season! A special welcome to rookies Amber Waddle, Dustin Schmeltz, Leslie Patton, Michael Mead, Michelle Shoemaker, and Tim Deddens! In addition, three bowlers from the past are re-joining us. John Boren returns to us from the year 2014, Michelle Tollefson time-travels from 2003, and Angie Betts returns from what is literally the pre-historic years of our league, materializing from the ancient year of 2002.START DATE: Tuesday, January
Bowling Postponed 1 Week
We got a call from AMF a short while ago, all their other leagues have cancelled tonight due to the weather. Because I had already heard from several others who would not be able to be there tonight, it did not make sense for us to make the bowling alley stay open for about half of our league to show up.Our entire schedule has been shifted by 1 week, and this is now reflected on the web site. We will see you all on the lanes on January 26. Drive safely tonight!
Welcome to the Spring 2016 Season!
Thaw your balls, it's time to return to the lanes as the 33rd season of GutterAlley begins on Tuesday, January 19!This season will feature six new recruits making their debut this season! A special welcome to rookies Amber Waddle, Dustin Schmeltz, Leslie Patton, Michael Mead, Michelle Shoemaker, and Tim Deddens! In addition, three bowlers from the past are re-joining us. John Boren returns to us from the year 2014, Michelle Tollefson time-travels from 2003, and Angie Betts returns from what is literally the pre-historic years of our league, materializing from the ancient year of 2002.START DATE: Tuesday, January 19th at 6:20PM (league bowling starts at 6:30 after ten minutes of practice)LOCATION: NKC Pro Bowl, 505 East 18th Avenue, North Kansas City, MO 64116. For you new / returning bowlers, we will be down on lanes 41-48 so you're best off parking behind the bowling alley. The rear parking lot is accessible only from the west side of the building from either 18th Ave or Erie St.MILESTONES TO LOOK FOR THIS SEASON Read the rest of this entry »
Fall 2015 is in The Books!
With 32 seasons of bowling now behind us, the Fall 2015 season ended tonight as the 4th best season in league history. Both in terms of combined league average and in terms of the number (206) of 200+ games rolled. Congratulations, everyone, on a great season!BEFORE WE GET ON WITH THE WRITEUP, BE SURE TO VOTE FOR YOUR END OF SEASON FAVORITES! AND JOIN US ON DEC 22 FOR PRIZE MONEY AND FUN WEEK!Since no teams changed positions in the standings, the rundown of the matchups will also double as a rundown of the final rankings.
First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Salt Water Taffy had no need to defend their 1st place title against Stephen Hawking's Dance Club. Thanks to Ian Goetz and his 629 series, Salt Water Taffy managed their one and only post-clinch win. Russell Bingham's 628 series led Stephen Hawking's Dance Club to 3 wins. Salt Water Taffy remains in 1st place, while Stephen Hawking's Dance Club remains in 2nd.
Falling Apart at the Seams
For reasons unknown, that definitely had nothing to do with the first place team getting swept, the lanes started falling apart tonight! As did any chance of seeing any of 2nd thru 6th place get locked up early.
Taffy Sticks It!
With their victories tonight, and with an assist provided by Split It & Hit It, Salt Water Taffy secured the Fall 2015 championship tonight. This is the 2nd championship for Jonathan Vigliaturo, the 5th for Ian Goetz, the 7th for Seth Gunderson, and the 10th for Carl Goetz. Congratulations, fellas! Try not to spend your extra five bucks in one place.The fact that the championship was determined already kind of tells you what went down on lanes 41 & 42. Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! was led by Phil Schroeder and his 533 series, but in a strange twist Freda Schroeder snagged both Most Valuable Bowler and #1 Power Ranked Bowler despite mustering only 1 win against Salt Water Taffy. Carl Goetz stormed the path to victory with his 644 series. Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! remains in 3rd place, while Salt Water Taffy remains in 1st in perpetuity.
Full of Turkey, No One Wants to Move
Turkey week saw lots of turkeys but no movement in the standings, likely due to everyone being overloaded on tryptophan.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Andrew Finger led It's A Trap! to a sweep against the blind team with his 518 series. However, a big assist came from Dennis Cummings. Last week Dennis noticed that he bowled better taking his glasses off, so he tried it again this week and earned Most Valuable Bowler. It's A Trap! remains in 7th place, while Ray & Stevie remains in 8th.
A Bunch Of Crap
Because the results of the bowling matchups this week were so expected, and therefore so boring, Scoot has absolutely no inspiration for what to write about this week. Due to this, just so Scoot would stay awake writing this, much of the following is a load of crap.On lanes 41 & 42: Salt Water Taffy faced off against 404: Team Name Not Found. Despite (or perhaps because of) being constantly distracted by Zach Cross's wardrobe malfunctions, Ian Goetz rolled his balls off with a 636 series to lead Salt Water Taffy in a clean sweep over 404: Team Name Not Found. Sean Miller, who was perhaps more affected by Zach's endless nip-slips, led 404 with a 447 series. Salt Water Taffy remains (of course) in 1st place even through no one cares, while 404: Team Name Not Found drops 1 spot to 6th. It should also be noted that by dropping from 232 in game 2 to a mere 107 in game 3, Jonathan Vigliaturo achieved the 6th largest score change and 3rd largest score drop in league history.
Someone is Cornholing the League
While everyone has been worrying about the antics of Salt Water Taffy and Stephen Hawkings Dance Club, another team has been quietly cornholing us all and climbing the ranks. With a three week streak sweep so far, could a new contender for first be in our future?First up, on lanes 41 & 42: The other half of Split It & Hit It showed up to roll against 3/4 of It's A Trap!. Led by Todd Way and his 514 series, Split It & Hit It freed 3 wins from the Trap. Chelsie Finger and her nicely even 400 series was enough to snag one win. Split It & Hit It remains in 3rd place, while It's A Trap! remains in 7th.
Seans of the Deadly
After lurking in the shadows much of the season, honing and refining their hunting skills, both of the league's Seans struck with a vengeance tonight. With a 154 average, Sean Miller rolled a 203 and a 205; with a 138 average, Sean Simmons rolled a 214. Congrats, guys, on kicking the door down to The 200 Club!In our first matchup, on lanes 41 & 42, a suffering Hold My Beer, Watch This hoped that Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! would be weak and tired after post-bowling the night before. No such luck. Led by Aubrey Moren and his 594 series, Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! secured a clean sweep. Though Kody Karnes put up an impressive 622 series, and AJ Hofmann finally broke out of his slump for game 3, it just wasn't enough to overcome their anchor Aaron Barber's sore wrist. (You might want to switch to the other hand during your alone time, buddy.) Hold My Beer drops 2 spots in the standings to 6th place, while Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! jumps 2 spots to 4th.
A Royally Quick Night
With Game 1 of the World Series underway, only about half the league showed up to bowl tonight. Most of us were done before 8:00, and with one team post-bowling this will be an abbreviated writeup for now.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: 404: Team Name Not Found faced off against Stephen Hawking's Dance Club. "Leading" 404 with a 482 series, Scott Murdock was eyeing a good shot at his second 600+ series before everything came crashing down in the 9th frame of game 2. Meanwhile, Russell Bingham led the Dance Club with 578 series. With his effort, plus a tentative MVB and #Power Ranked performance by Brian Walsh, Stephen Hawking's Dance Club's clean sweep moves them up 1 spot to 2nd while Not Found drops to 5th.
Taffy Pulls Further Ahead
Tonight's position round reshuffled the standings deck almost as much as Ian shuffled Scoot's poker cards a few weeks ago. In the process, two veteran bowlers set new personal best records.First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Stephen Hawking's Dance Club knew they couldn't get Salt Water Taffy unstuck from first place, but they hoped to at least time a bite from their lead. But Ian Goetz had already made plans to roll his new personal best series tonight, a 709, to lead his team to a 3-1 victory and further increase their overall pull on first. Michael Gordon tried to bust some moves, but his 570 series, could only secure 1 win for the Dance Club. Salt Water Taffy remains in 1st place, while Stephen Hawking's Dance Club drops 1 spot to 3rd -- albeit technically part of a 4-way tie for 2nd..
Midterms Already?
It hardly seems possible, but the mid-season position round is already upon us! Tonight's games set the stage for next week, and one of our long-time bowlers reached a long-sought-after milestone. And, for the first time all season, no one was absent!First up, on lanes 41 & 42: Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! battled for position against Split It & Hit It. Split It seemed poised to work their way up the standings under the leadership of Dennis Blake and his 490 series. However Aubrey Moren would have nothing to do with it and rolled a 574 series to derail Split It's plans. The Sandbaggers climb 1 spot in the standings to 6th place, while Split It & Hit It sinks 2 spots to 5th. These two teams will face each other again next week.
Trap No Longer Trapped
The last night of bowling before a two-week pause saw some shifts in the standings that could lead to some unexpected matchups for the position round.On lanes 41 & 42: Hold My Beer, Watch This thought that since they were bowling the last place team, they'd continue their rise towards first place. Unfortunately for them no one warned them that It's A Trap! Despite a 632 series from Kody Karnes, the rest of the team stumbled and bumbled about in their Blue Moon drunkenness and forgot they were supposed to actually bowling. This made it easy for Andrew Finger to cast a net with his 603 series and snare 3 wins, enough to lead his team out of last place. Hold My Beer drops 1 spot in the standings to 5th place, while It's A Trap! moves up to 6th.
Hawking Gets Taffy Pulled
When bowling completed tonight, the men of Stephen Hawking's Dance Club went home convinced they were the first place leaders. Which should make you nervous that those math skills dispense your pharmaceuticals. 
Bill Krejci shows off his new future Men's High Series Scratch contender. Congratulations, Bill!
Meanwhile, Scoot shows his latest HRI (Humping Related Injury), courtesy of whichever Taffyite grabbed his arm and yanked him backwards off the lane.
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THIS WEEK'S MVB
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#1 POWER BOWLER
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#1 H2H BOWLER
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FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE)
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| Pos. | Team name | Record | Percent | Total Pins | Change |
| 1 | Salt Water Taffy | 15-5 | .750 | 10,834 | n/a |
| 2 | Stephen Hawking's Dance Club | 15-5 | .750 | 9,038 | n/a |
| 3 | Split It & Hit It | 12-8 | .600 | 8,603 | n/a |
| 4 | Hold My Beer, Watch This | 11-9 | .550 | 10,436 | +2 |
| 5 | 404: Team Name Not Found | 11-9 | .550 | 8,519 | -1 |
| 6 | Holy Sandbaggers, Batman! | 9-11 | .450 | 9,871 | -1 |
| 7 | It's A Trap! | 7-13 | .350 | 7,895 | n/a |
| 8 | Ray & Stevie | 0-20 | .000 | 1,440 | n/a |
| Men's High Series Scratch | Women's High Series Scratch |
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Kody Karnes - 683 Carl Goetz - 621 Ian Goetz - 617 Dennis Blake - 590 Seth Gunderson - 574 |
Chelsie Finger - 455 Freda Schroeder - 418 Meghan Cummings - 337 |
| Men's High Series Handicap | Women's High Series Handicap |
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Kody Karnes - 683 Dennis Blake - 674 Ian Goetz - 650 Sean Simmons - 638 Phil Schroeder - 634 |
Chelsie Finger - 639 Meghan Cummings - 572 Freda Schroeder - 518 |
| Men's High Game Scratch | Women's High Game Scratch |
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Kody Karnes - 268 Ian Goetz - 247 Carl Goetz - 216 Russell Bingham - 213 Michael Gordon - 213 (t) Dennis Blake - 210 |
Chelsie Finger - 178 Freda Schroeder - 163 Meghan Cummings - 160 |
| Men's High Game Handicap | Women's High Game Handicap |
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Kody Karnes - 268 Matt O'Dell - 259 Ian Goetz - 258 Russell Bingham - 239 Dennis Blake - 238 |
Chelsie Finger - 239 Meghan Cummings - 238 Freda Schroeder - 196 |
| Men's Pins Over Average | Women's Pins Over Average |
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Matt O'Dell - 72 Ian Goetz - 61 Kody Karnes - 58 Russell Bingham - 46 Dennis Blake - 45 |
Meghan Cummings - 58 Chelsie Finger - 55 Freda Schroeder - 5 |
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