The eleventh week of Spring 2025 thundered through the lanes like a poorly-timed ball slamming into the pinsetter, though the only change in the standings was a flip of 5th & 6th place. Wifi being down led to Jeremy Varnell ripping off his shirt to offer his back as a writing surface for keeping scores, but fortunately (despite the generous and much-appreciated offer) by the end of the first frame Scoot was finally able to find a spot to place his phone where it got good cell signal and could serve wifi to the scoreboards and all the tablets. JoAnne Barber dazzled with this week's high game (127) and series (363) for the women, while Nick Kinney lit up the alley with a monstrous 215 game and a 599 series to claim top honors for the men. But the real stories unfolded in the heat of the matchups—let’s roll into the details!

See also: Bingo Results

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: FFK took on Bowls Deep as the lanes came alive with laughter and the smell of wet hairballs. Dustin Schmeltz led the charge for the feline frenzy of FFK with a solid 493 series, helping the Kittens claw their way to 3 big wins. Meows of delight were heard in the post-game huddle, with Scott Lawson exclaiming, “We’re not just purring—we’re roaring now!” Meanwhile, Bowls Deep found themselves in over their heads, managing only a single win despite Carl Mueller's valiant 345 series. “After that 98 in game 2 I don't know if even Jungle Law would want me on their team” Carl muttered, trying to force a smile. FFK pounces up a spot to 5th, while Bowls Deep holds onto 4th.

On lanes 3 & 4: Gutterly Hopeless collided with FILPB in what quickly turned into a one-sided rout. Despite Jeremy Varnell doing what he could with a 376 series, Hopeless lived up to their name, getting swept clean off the lanes by Eff It. The emotional damage was palpable—upon learning of the disaster that took place in his absence a teary-eyed Jacob Holst whispered, “We didn’t just hit the gutter… we were the gutter.” Over on the winning side, #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head Nick Kinney was untouchable with his sizzling 599 series, guiding FILPB to a flawless sweep. “We don’t just say ‘Eff It’—we do it,” Nick said, whilst unfastening another button on Scott Murdock's shirt. Gutterly Hopeless tumbled down to dead last, while FILPB stands firm at the top and should probably see a urologist about that.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: tangled with Squid Row in a back-and-forth battle. AJ Hofmann kept the momentum going for Team Name Loading with a robust 510 series, but it wasn’t enough to steer the team to victory—only 1 win made it onto their scoreboard. Meanwhile, Most Valuable Bowler Ben Spencer was in cephalopodic control, guiding Squid Row to 3 triumphant wins with a strong 561 series. “We inked our names on the win column,” Ben joked, grinning under the glowing aquarium lights. Name Loading barely stays in 2nd, while Squid Row floats steadily in 3rd.

Bowlers slipping in squid ink and sliding straight into The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (201), AJ Hofmann (203), Ben Spencer (209), and Nick Kinney (202,215)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Dustin Schmeltz had his way with Division 1, while Ben Spencer routed Division 2. Buck Nasty topped Division 3, and Cat Atwood staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 4. In terms of overall points: Ian Estey is in the driver's seat in Division 1; Scott Murdock runs the show in Division 2; Tim Deddens calls the shots for Division 3; and Brian Schaben tops Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place Gutterly Hopeless (hcp 141) will chuck some balls with 3rd-place Squid Row. Hopeless are expected to roll a little low and just barely miss getting swept; while Squid is forecast to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 4th-place Bowls Deep (hcp 53) will compete against 2nd-place . DEEEEEEP might roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Team Name Loading ought to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 5th-place FFK (hcp 76) will face 1st-place FILPB. Kittens are predicted to maintain their current strength as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Eff It is anticipated to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Ben Spencer Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Nick Kinney Runner Up: Aaron Barber	#1 H2H BOWLER Nick Kinney Runner Up: Aaron Barber
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Ok, I'll remind AJ to wear underwear next week." Scoot, after Matt Taylor mentioned that next week is the week he's stringing AJ from the rafters over lanes 1&2 with his pants off.

Pos.	Team name	Record	Percent	Total Pins	Change
1	FILPB	29.5-14.5	.670	21,479	n/a
2	(Team Name Loading)	26.5-17.5	.602	19,329	n/a
3	Squid Row	26-18	.591	21,855	n/a
4	Bowls Deep	19.5-24.5	.443	16,790	n/a
5	FFK	16-28	.364	18,358	+1
6	Gutterly Hopeless	14.5-29.5	.330	16,084	-1

Men's High Series Scratch	Women's High Series Scratch
Nick Kinney - 599 Aaron Barber - 587 Ben Spencer - 561 Matthew Taylor - 541 AJ Hofmann - 510	JoAnne Barber - 363 Cat Atwood - 350
Men's High Series Handicap	Women's High Series Handicap
Nick Kinney - 671 Aaron Barber - 637 Ben Spencer - 630 Matthew Taylor - 605 Buck Nasty - 591	Cat Atwood - 587 JoAnne Barber - 538
Men's High Game Scratch	Women's High Game Scratch
Nick Kinney - 215 Ben Spencer - 209 AJ Hofmann - 203 Aaron Barber - 201 Nathan Burrows - 195	JoAnne Barber - 127 Cat Atwood - 126
Men's High Game Handicap	Women's High Game Handicap
Nick Kinney - 239 Nathan Burrows - 235 Ben Spencer - 232 AJ Hofmann - 221 Dennis Walling - 221 (t) Tim Deddens - 220	Cat Atwood - 205 JoAnne Barber - 185
Men's Pins Over Average	Women's Pins Over Average
Nathan Burrows - 45 Nick Kinney - 45 (t) Ben Spencer - 38 Tim Deddens - 34 Buck Nasty - 29 Dennis Walling - 28	Cat Atwood - 25