The ninth week of Spring 2025 league play came and went, but in a bizarre twist, absolutely nothing changed in the standings. Some say it was a statistical anomaly. Others suspect an elaborate prank. Either way, the scores were real—even if the sense of progress wasn’t. JoAnne Barber rolled the high game (155) and series (403) for the women, while for the men, AJ Hofmann and Matthew Taylor mysteriously tied for the high game (211), as if trying to trick us into seeing double. Meanwhile, Nick Kinney locked in the high series with a 561.

Among the April 1 Hijinks, this week each pair of lanes got a slightly different Bingo sheet with two randomly-selected April Fool's edition tasks on them. As far as I know nobody pulled Jeremy's finger, nobody rolled game 2 without pants, the only Kitten that got petted after a strike was the new stuffed mascot JoAnne made, nobody got a handstand strike, and there was a complete failure to hump a different Scott for each turkey. It's likely, however, that someone did tell a St. John's staff member a dirty joke. But none of that matters, as these were all bonus free tiles and everybody got to mark them! However that ALSO didn't matter, because absolutely no one ended up getting a bingo as a result of having these two additional free tiles. Oh well, it was a nice try. Bingo Results

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: Gutterly Hopeless went in ready for battle against Bowls Deep, but things quickly turned into a cruel joke—on them. Despite JoAnne Barber's solid 403 series, Hopeless got completely swept. It was as if someone had secretly switched their bowling balls with elephant balls. Meanwhile, Ian Estey's 547 series had DEEEEEEP rolling strikes like they had insider knowledge of a rigged lane. The team basked in their 4-0 triumph, celebrating as if they had just pulled off the ultimate April Fool’s prank. Gutterly Hopeless remains in 6th, staring at the scoreboard in disbelief, while DEEEEEEP stays in 4th, grinning like they just got away with something.

The new mascot for the Kittens spent the night showing us the view cats most commonly like to give us.

On lanes 3 & 4: faced off against FFK, and this matchup felt suspiciously even—almost like the league was setting up a dramatic punchline. But the joke was on Kittens, as Team Name Loading claimed 3 wins behind AJ Hofmann's 513 series and an impressive performance from #1 Power-Ranked and Most Valuable Bowler Tim Deddens. Their exuberant celebration was so intense, you’d think they just won a championship rather than shifted absolutely nowhere in the standings. Meanwhile, #1 Head-to-Head Scott Lawson clawed his way to a 485 series, but Kittens only managed to squeeze out a single win. They remain in 5th, likely checking their scorecards for signs of tampering, while Team Name Loading holds onto 2nd, smugly satisfied.

Finally, on lanes 5 & 6: FILPB and Squid Row entered the fray with what should have been a level playing field—unless, of course, someone tilted it when no one was looking. Nick Kinney's above-average 561 series carried Eff It to 3 wins, and the team erupted in celebration, convinced they had cracked the code of league dominance. Meanwhile, Dennis Walling’' strong 500 series for Squid Row couldn’t stop the team from feeling like they’d been tricked out of a victory, securing only one win. FILPB stays firmly planted in 1st place, savoring their continued reign, while Squid Row remains in 3rd, with their tentacles all tangled up in the pinsetter.

Bowlers who tricked the bouncer into granting them access to The 200 Club include: AJ Hofmann (211), Ian Estey (205), and Matthew Taylor (211)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Seth Gunderson cleaned up Division 1, while Scott Lawson walloped Division 2. Tim Deddens staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 3, and Kurt Fredrickson trounced Division 4. In terms of overall points: Ian Estey calls the shots for Division 1; Scott Lawson dominates Division 2; Tim Deddens holds the reins in Division 3; and Brian Schaben reigns over Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 2nd-place (hcp 56) will chill with 1st-place FILPB. Team Name Loading is expected to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Eff It is forecast to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 4th-place Bowls Deep (hcp 113) will meet with 3rd-place Squid Row. DEEEEEEP might maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Squid ought to see their team average take a dive while they avoid getting swept.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 5th-place FFK will chuck some balls with 6th-place Gutterly Hopeless (hcp 61). Kittens are predicted to roll decently and sweep the series; while Hopeless are anticipated to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Tim Deddens Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Tim Deddens Runner Up: Scott Lawson	#1 H2H BOWLER Scott Lawson Runner Up: Tim Deddens
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "There's been a few nights where I was pretty sure someone else sh*t in my pants." Matthew Taylor. Context unknown. Was afraid to ask.

Pos.	Team name	Record	Percent	Total Pins	Change
1	FILPB	25.5-10.5	.708	17,572	n/a
2	(Team Name Loading)	21.5-14.5	.597	15,696	n/a
3	Squid Row	19-17	.528	17,839	n/a
4	Bowls Deep	18.5-17.5	.514	13,973	n/a
5	FFK	13-23	.361	15,177	n/a
6	Gutterly Hopeless	10.5-25.5	.292	13,137	n/a