The Spring 2025 season has erupted into perfect-attendance action, with six teams stepping onto the lanes for a grueling 16-week battle for the most prestigious prize that doesn't exist: The GutterAlley Championship Trophy. This week's spotlights shone on JoAnne Barber, who delivered a stellar high game (139) and series (387) for the women (weird to be able to say that in the plural again), while Dustin Schmeltz unleashed a powerhouse performance with a high game (242) and series (561) for the men. But those were just the highlights—let’s dive into the drama that unfolded!

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: Squid Row tangled with Unnamed Team 2. With #1 Power-Ranked Dennis Walling rolling a commanding 532 series, Squid Row inked their claim on the night with 3 decisive wins, launching into 1st place. The team was absolutely electrified, celebrating their early dominance with well-earned confidence. Over on Unnamed, AJ Hofmann fought valiantly, posting a solid 484 series, but it wasn’t enough to steer his team to more than a single victory. They roll into 4th place, determined to shake off the opening night jitters and rebound next week.

On lanes 3 & 4: Bowls Deep attempted to strike gold against the ferocious Flamboyant Fluffy Kittens. Chris Hagan did his best to keep Bowls Deep afloat with a 376 series, but the team found themselves drowning under the relentless onslaught of Fluffykins. Dustin Schmeltz was an unstoppable force, pummeling the pins with a 561 series and leading his team to 3 glorious wins. The Kittens pranced into 3rd place, their spirits high and tails held even higher. Meanwhile, Bowls Deep—now sinking in 6th—will need to resurface next week if they hope to claw their way out of the depths.

At 6:57pm, the 9 knocked down by Seth's first ball in the 6th frame of game 1 officially pushed him above 250,000 career pins in our league. He is the 5th person to cross that mark and is poised to move into 4th place late this season.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: In what played out like a classic David vs. Goliath showdown, the mighty FILPB took on the ever-resilient Gutterly Hopeless. Aaron Barber was on fire, torching the lanes with a 555 series, and with a little help from the #1 Head-to-Head bowler Seth Gunderson, FILPB steamrolled their way to 3 convincing wins. The team erupted with excitement, thrilled to storm into 2nd place with their dominance. But on the other side, Gutterly Hopeless fought tooth and nail, led by JoAnne Barber and her impressive 387 series. Sadly, the effort wasn’t enough, as they walked away with just a single win and the weight of a tough loss. They settle into 5th place, determined to rewrite their fate next time, while Eff It starts strongly in 2nd.

The first week is in the books, and the battle for bowling supremacy has only just begun. Who will rise, and who will crumble under the pressure? Stay tuned—this season is just getting started!

Bowlers bribing their way into The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (226), Ben Spencer (200), and Dustin Schmeltz (242)

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 2nd-place FILPB will roll against 3rd-place Flamboyant Fluffy Kittens (hcp 64). Eff It is expected to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Fluffykins are forecast to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 1st-place Squid Row will meet with 5th-place Gutterly Hopeless (hcp 152). Squid might watch their averages take a plunge as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Hopeless ought to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 4th-place Unnamed Team 2 will test their mettle against 6th-place Bowls Deep (hcp 73). is predicted to have a bit of an off night, but split the series with DEEEEEEP; while DEEEEEEP is anticipated to hold steady as they keep the series tied.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB No one Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Dennis Walling Runner Up: Matthew Taylor	#1 H2H BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Matthew Taylor
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Ben doesn't know what his balls look like!" "That's not what I said, Dennis. Currently my ball is bright red and broken." Dennis, then Ben, after Ben picked up the wrong ball from the the rack, mistaking it for his loaner.