By BowlingBot & ChatGPT
St. John's bowling alley was bursting with energy on the fourteenth week of Spring 2023 league. JoAnne Barber dominated the women once again, easily claiming the high game (160) and series (432) for the women. The question on everyone's mind was, why can't any other woman in the league challenge her? Rumors swirled that JoAnne had made a deal with the bowling gods, or perhaps she had been secretly training with a legendary bowling master in the mountains. Meanwhile, Ben Spencer was a force to be reckoned with, earning both the high game (265) and series (640) for the men. It was a night of incredible performances, and by the time the dust settled the top four teams are now all within one win of each other in the standings, setting the stage for an intense final stretch of the season.

The match on lanes 1 & 2 was a showdown between two formidable teams: Just Shitty Enough and Let's Split Up Gang! With the sound of crashing pins and the smell of fresh oil, the two teams faced off in a battle for the ages. However, one notable absence was felt on this particular night - Seth, who is boycotting these lanes due to a dispute with, well, these lanes. Despite this, the match was a thrilling one. Nick Kinney of Just Shitty Enough proved to be a force to be reckoned with, racking up an impressive 557 series and leading his team to a clean sweep over the splitter-uppers. But JoAnne Barber of Let's Split Up Gang! was not to be outdone, putting in a better-than-normal performance with a 432 series despite her team being swept. The competition was fierce, but in the end, it was Just Shitty Enough who emerged victorious, solidifying their spot in 4th place. Meanwhile, Let's Split Up Gang! took a hit in the rankings, dropping two spots to 3rd. All in all, it was an exciting night at the bowling alley, with the absence of Seth being the only blemish on an otherwise memorable match.

On lanes 3 & 4. the intensity was high, as Glory Bowl tried to intimidate their opponents, Balderdash. Kent Harms and Brett Affolter stepped up with matching 475 series, but even their impressive performance couldn't save the G-Holers from a devastating sweep by the Bald Boys. Meanwhile, Ben Spencer, the trifecta-winner who earned the titles of #1 Head-to-Head, #1 Power-Ranked, and Most Valuable Bowler, put on a show with his stupendous 640 series. But what really caught everyone's attention was Ben's second game, in which he rolled his personal best ever with a 265. The entire alley erupted in cheers as Ben's teammates hoisted him onto their shoulders in celebration of his incredible achievement. The Bald Boys continued their domination, sweeping the competition and moving up one spot to take first place. Glory Bowl, despite their efforts, remained in fifth place.

The bowling alley was abuzz with rumors about the winning team on lanes 5 & 6, I Thought This Was AA?. Whispers circulated that they had given up beer in favor of a new, unconventional drink - copious amounts of dolphin blood. Despite the shock of the other teams, it seemed to be working for them. Scott Murdock, with his magnificent 543 series, led the charge as the bowlaholics swept the competition, leaving the Sun Dolphins floundering. Ryan Sisco, with his slightly-off 377 series, tried to keep the Dolphins afloat in part by convincing a member of Balderdash to sit on the floor and stare at his meaty tail fluke. As the games ended, I Thought This Was AA? celebrated their victories, fueled by their unconventional but definitely high-ABV beverage choice. Their wins bumped them up one spot in the standings to second place, while the freshly-drained Dolphins remained in sixth and are now on the verge of being mathematically unable to improve their standing.

Bowlers who lied to their significant other claiming bowling was running long then went out for after-bowling drinks at The 200 Club include: Ben Spencer (265,201), Carl Goetz (210), Matthew Taylor (224), Nick Kinney (220), and Scott Murdock (204)

A new personal high game was set tonight by Ben Spencer (265, previous best 249).

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Dennis Walling conquered Division 1, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 2 as it was a complete embarassment. Scott Murdock trounced Division 3, and nobody claimed victory in Division 4 (though Nicholas Knight came closest). In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor holds the reins in Division 1; Michael Gordon tops Division 2; Scott Murdock calls the shots for Division 3; and Nicholas Knight dominates Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 1st-place Balderdash will meet with 2nd-place I Thought This Was AA? (hcp 92). Bald Boys are expected to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while the bowlaholics are forecast to hold steady as they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 29) will challenge 3rd-place Let's Split Up Gang!. Dolphins might roll a little low and get swept; while the splitter-uppers ought to drop their average a bit even as they rack up a sweep.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 5th-place Glory Bowl (hcp 95) will tussle with 4th-place Just Shitty Enough. The G-Holers are predicted to have a bit of an off night and get swept; while Just Shitty is anticipated to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Ben Spencer Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Ben Spencer Runner Up: Scott Murdock	#1 H2H BOWLER Ben Spencer Runner Up: AJ Hofmann
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Anyone need a sub? I suddenly have a lot of free time." Freshly unemployed Tucker Carlson, unaware that the window just closed for this career path.