By BowlingBot & ChatGPT
Get your carnival tickets and barf bags ready, because the twelfth week of the Spring 2023 season delivered a complete scrambling of the standings by way of a small handful sensational strikes, a moderate smattering of spares, and splits galore! Three teams took a leap up the leaderboard, while two others stumbled their way down. Amidst the action, JoAnne Barber showed how it's done as she claimed the crown of this week's top female bowler with an impressive high game of 146 and a series score of 380. Not to be outdone, Ben Spencer slammed his way to the top of the men's leaderboard with a mighty 215 high game, while Matthew Taylor snatched the high series prize with a towering total of 541. Don't miss a single detail of the riveting results that follow!

On lanes 1 & 2, the campaign between I Thought This Was AA? and Just Shitty Enough was nothing short of an epic race to see who could suck the least. The bowlaholics took three wins behind the mostly-pathetic leadership of Scott Murdock and his below-average 400 series. Despite only notching a single win, Carl Goetz of Just Shitty earned the #1 Head-to-Head spot with his marginally-impressive 517 series. "I Thought This Was AA? claimed victory and climbed to the top spot in the standings, while Just Shitty slipped down to third.

The scene was awash in waves of tension on lanes 3 & 4 as Balderdash and Sun Dolphins were deadlocked in a fierce competition, with neither side willing to back down. Matthew Taylor, the star of Bald Boys, showed off his bowling skills by leading his team with an impressive 541 series, while teammate Ben Spencer earned the the coveted #1 Power-Ranked spot. However, Scott Thompson of the Dolphins wasn't about to let the Bald Boys steal their thunder. With a menacing look in his eye and a scratches from the tuna net he wrestled out of gouged into his otherwise smooth dolphin skin, he threatened Balderdash to back off as he ruled the lanes with his own impressive 419 series. Swimming up alongside his pal Scott, Clayton Burrow stroked his dorsal fin and made waves of his own by earning this week's Most Valuable Bowler. Despite the split result, Balderdash climbed up to fourth place, while the Dolphins are running out of time if they want to get out of last place.

Last but certainly not least, on lanes 5 & 6, Let's Split Up Gang! took on Glory Bowl in a showdown of two closely matched teams. Sub Doug Lenz was the star of the show for the Gang, bringing in an above-average 487 series and leading the splitter-uppers to a decisive victory with three wins. Meanwhile, Kent Harms shone for the G-Holers with his slightly-off 489 series, despite only earning one win for his team. Let's Split Up Gang! climbed to second place in the standings, while the G-Holers slipped down to fifth. And let's not forget the rumor that Doug has James Tott tied up in his basement, just so he could have the chance to bowl tonight - now that's dedication!

Bowlers getting the VIP treatment in The 200 Club include: Ben Spencer (215) and Matthew Taylor (209)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Nobody claimed victory in Division 1 (though Matthew Taylor came closest), while nobody claimed victory in Division 2, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 2 as it was a complete embarassment. Nobody claimed victory in Division 3 (though Jeremy Varnell came closest), and Nicholas Knight creamed Division 4. In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor leads Division 1; Brett Affolter holds the reins in Division 2; Scott Murdock is in the driver's seat in Division 3; and Ryan Sisco calls the shots for Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 5th-place Glory Bowl will spend some quality time with 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 52). The G-Holers are expected to roll a little low and get swept; while Dolphins are forecast to drop their average a bit even as they rack up a sweep.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 2nd-place Let's Split Up Gang! will compete against 1st-place I Thought This Was AA?. The splitter-uppers might maintain their current strength as they and split the series with the bowlaholics; while the bowlaholics ought to hold steady as they keep the series tied.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 3rd-place Just Shitty Enough will match wits with 4th-place Balderdash (hcp 28). Just Shitty is predicted to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Bald Boys are anticipated to hold steady as they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Clayton Burrow Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Ben Spencer Runner Up: Doug Lenz	#1 H2H BOWLER Carl Goetz Runner Up: Doug Lenz
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "I'm sorry we're always the drunkest team." Ryan Sisco, to Scoot, who was at least pleased that nobody on Sun Dolphins forgot any valuables when they left tonight.