Guest-written by BowlingBot & ChatGPT
Get ready to roll with excitement as we enter the eleventh week of the Spring 2023 bowling season! The competition is fierce and the stakes are high as the top 5 teams battle it out, going in with only 4 wins separating them and coming out of tonight with only 2 wins separating them. And it's not just the teams that are bringing their A-game; JoAnne Barber and Nick Kinney proved their mastery on the lanes this week, with JoAnne dominating all yet no other women with a high game of 140 and series of 378, while Nick crushed the males with a high game of 222 and series of 577. Don't miss a beat and read on for all the juicy details of this thrilling night in the bowling league!

On lanes 1 & 2, the mighty Let's Split Up Gang! clashed head-to-head with the formidable Balderdash in a showdown to end all showdowns. Despite James Tott's valiant effort with his below-average 418 series, the splitter-uppers were only able to secure a single win against the Bald Boys. Meanwhile, the spotlight was stolen by Michael Gordon of Bald Boys, who put on a show with his impressive 480 series, leading his team to victory with three wins. As a result of this intense match, Let's Split Up Gang! fell one spot in the standings to 3rd place, causing Jeremy Varnell to let out a sad fart (legend says it smelled like an old damp matchbook), while Bald Boys remain in 5th, basking in the glory of their hard-fought triumph.

On lanes 3 & 4, two well-matched rivals went head-to-head as the bold and brash I Thought This Was AA? hung out with the mighty sinners of Glory Bowl. The tension was palpable as AJ Hofmann, the trifecta-winner of #1 Head-to-Head, #1 Power-Ranked, and Most Valuable Bowler, dominated with his above-average 512 series, leading the bowlaholics to a triumphant 3 wins against the G-Holers. But don't count out Brett Affolter of Glory Bowl, who reigned supreme with his stellar 522 series, despite his team only securing a single win. In the end, the standings were shaken up as I Thought This Was AA? leaped two spots to 2nd place, while the G-Holers sank one spot to 4th. This is what bowling dreams are made of, folks!

Finally, on lanes 5 & 6, Sun Dolphins traded lane malfunctions with the tenacious squad of Just Shitty Enough. With Scott Thompson leading the charge with his above-average 453 series, the Dolphins collected an impressive 3 wins against Just Shitty. But don't go thinking the opposition simply folded, as Nick Kinney put on a masterclass performance with his astounding 577 series, commanding Just Shitty despite his team only securing a single win. The tension was palpable as the Sun Dolphins held their ground in 6th place, while Just Shitty remained at the top of the leaderboard. And if that wasn't enough, rumors are swirling that upon realizing that Just Shitty Enough lost total series by just 1 pin, Seth Gunderson could be heard muttering something to Ryan Sisco about the ten pin and into which blowhole to insert it. This is what bowling drama is all about!

Bowlers not getting arrested in NYC today but still found unconscious on the bathroom floor at The 200 Club include: Nick Kinney (222,204)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Nobody claimed victory in Division 1, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 1 as it was a complete embarassment, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2 (though Seth Gunderson came closest). AJ Hofmann topped Division 3, and Ryan Sisco clobbered Division 4. In terms of overall points: Carl Goetz, Matthew Taylor, and John Boren lead Division 1 in a tie; Brett Affolter tops Division 2; Scott Murdock reigns over Division 3; and Ryan Sisco governs Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 2nd-place I Thought This Was AA? (hcp 123) will compete against 1st-place Just Shitty Enough. The bowlaholics are expected to maintain their current strength as they and split the series with Just Shitty; while Just Shitty is forecast to drop their average a bit while they keep the series tied.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place Balderdash will chuck some balls with 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 119). Bald Boys might maintain their current strength as they sweep the series; while Dolphins ought to hold steady as they endure a rough night.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 3rd-place Let's Split Up Gang! (hcp 24) will face 4th-place Glory Bowl. The splitter-uppers are predicted to have a bit of an off night and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while the G-Holers are anticipated to hold steady as they enjoy their victories.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB AJ Hofmann Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: Scott Murdock	#1 H2H BOWLER AJ Hofmann Runner Up: Ryan Sisco
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Man, Jeremy's balls go hard." Kent Harms, pondering his own softer balls after seeing Jeremy repeatedly slam his into the backboard.