The 14th week of bowling rolled in with all the intensity of a well-oiled lane oiling machine, and while the standings seemed stagnant, the post-bowling scores revealed seismic shifts beneath the surface. Cue the fanfare and confetti, because on this auspicious occasion, Squid Row has officially clinched the championship! Can we also get a round of applause for JoAnne Barber, who dazzled the woman with a high game of 137 and a series of 366? And let's not forget the gents, with Dustin Schmeltz nabbing the high game at 247 and Matthew Taylor securing the high series with a whopping 623! Now, onto the dramatic recount of the lanes!

A surprisingly buff Brett swings between games

First, on lanes 1 & 2: In a clash of strategic maneuvers and lane aversions, the post-bowling Schindler's Fists virtually faced off against the ever-present It Starts Now! Michael Gordon led the charge for the Fists with a respectable 585 series, while Kent Harms held the torch for Starts with a commendable 534. But amidst the pins and the passion, the real tale unfolded with Brett Affolter's rollercoaster ride, scoring a stellar 223 in game 1 only to face a gut-wrenching 91 in game 2, tying him for the 3rd largest drop in score between games in league history! Despite the Fists' temporal and geographic maneuvers, victory remained elusive as the series ended in a tense 2-2 split. Schindler's Fists will maintain their grip on 2nd place for the remainder of the season, while Starts hold steady in 4th for now.

On lanes 3 & 4: The stage was set for a showdown between Squid Row and the Grumpy Old Men. Matthew Taylor led the charge for the Squids with an impressive 623 series, with trifecta-winner #1 Power-Ranked, #1 Head-to-Head, and Most Valuable Bowler Dennis Walling delivering a huge assist. With stars aligning and pins falling, Squid Row swept aside the competition, leaving Grumps in their watery wake. AJ Hofmann put up a valiant effort for Grumps with a 521 series, but alas, victory eluded them as they were swept off their feet. With this triumphant sweep, Squid Row clinches the championship title, while Grumps hold their ground in 3rd place. This is the 2nd championship for Chris Windham, the 4th for Ben Spencer, and the 6th for both Dennis Walling and Matthew Taylor. Despite the Grumpy Old Men sending a petition to the USBC requesting a new rule stating that bowlers who begin a season with a broken bone must re-break the same bone mid-season... Congrats, guys!

Finally, on lanes 5 & 6: The Sun Dolphins took on DB Lenz a Hand in a clash of aquatic and mechanical prowess. Ryan Sisco led the charge for the Dolphins with a solid 450 series, but alas, it was only enough to secure one win against the relentless onslaught of Lenz Handlers. Led by the formidable Dustin Schmeltz and his impressive 602 series, Lenz Handlers asserted their dominance with three resounding victories. Sun Dolphins may have felt the sting of defeat, but they remain undeterred in 6th place, while Lenz Handlers maintain their hold on 5th, riding the waves of victory.

Bowlers who sneaked in through the employee entrance of The 200 Club include: Brett Affolter (223), Dennis Walling (217), Dustin Schmeltz (247), Matthew Taylor (217,220), Michael Gordon (243), and Nick Kinney (202)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Dennis Walling had his way with Division 1, while Scott Murdock swept Division 2. JoAnne Barber claimed victory in Division 3, and nobody claimed victory in Division 4, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 4 as it was a complete embarassment. In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor calls the shots for Division 1; Brett Affolter and Scott Thompson top Division 2 in a tie; Chris Windham leads Division 3; and Carl Mueller dominates Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 3rd-place Grumpy Old Men will compete against 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 55). Grumps are expected to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Dolphins are forecast to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 4th-place DB Lenz a Hand (hcp 13) will battle 5th-place It Starts Now!. Lenz Handlers might maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Starts ought to hold steady as they avoid getting swept.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 1st-place Squid Row will face 2nd-place Schindler's Fists (hcp 19). Squids are predicted to maintain their current strength as they sweep the series; while Fists are anticipated to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

REMINDER: Next week is the bowling fee payment deadline! All bowling fees for the season must be paid in full next Tuesday unless other arrangements are made personally with AJ or Scott.

THIS WEEK'S MVB Dennis Walling Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Dennis Walling Runner Up: Dustin Schmeltz	#1 H2H BOWLER Dennis Walling Runner Up: Matthew Taylor
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "It's a self-lubricating squid." Dennis Walling, discussing squid lube at the bar.