The twelfth week of Spring 2024 resulted in absolutely no movement in the standings, the only change being that the third place team went from a losing record to an even record. However that detail obscures that there was a lot of good bowling happening tonight, including the most 200s we've seen this season. JoAnne Barber picked up this week's high game (142) and series (363) for the woman, while Matthew Taylor earned this week's high game (257) and series (659) for the men. Read on for all the rest of the details!

Battered Dolphins have their sun stolen by the Fists

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: Sun Dolphins hoped to frolic in the sun but found their plans eclipsed by Schindler's Fists. Though somewhat emboldened by Scott Thompson with his below-average 412 series, Dolphins instead were fisted right in the blowholes. It was only a game 3 surge by Ryan Sisco that cleared the blockage and gave them 1 win against Fists. Meanwhile Aaron Barber with his 525 series powered his Fists as his team took the match with 3 wins. Sun Dolphins remains in 6th place, while Fists remain in 2nd.

We said that DB burned their eyes out, not DT! Stupid AI.

On lanes 3 & 4: With closely-matched team strength, Grumpy Old Men waged a heated competition against DB Lenz a Hand. New team member Dustin Schmeltz with his better-than-normal 559 series dominated Lenz Handlers, giving them a decisive game 1 victory. However they stared into the sun too long and burned out their retinas, giving AJ Hofmann with his above-average 552 series the encouragement needed to come back for 3 wins against DB's Lenzes. Grumpy Old Men remains in 3rd place, while Lenz Handlers remain in 4th.

Squids happily delivering bad news to their opposition

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: It Starts Now! deliberately ate cheese sticks in front of Squid Row. It backfired. Though reinforced by Most Valuable Bowler Brett Affolter and his above-average 545 series, Starts accomplished only 1 win against Squids. Simultaneously, #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head Matthew Taylor and his better-than-normal 659 series reigned supreme within Squids as his team took the match with 3 wins. It Starts Now! remains in 5th place, while Squids remain in 1st. Making matters worse for It Starts Now, three of them will miss the tax filing deadline next week and the other two can expect surprise audits. Fun!

Six people got a bingo this week.

Bowlers who got their taxes filed correctly and on time so got to kick back at The 200 Club include: Aaron Barber (211), AJ Hofmann (202), Brett Affolter (216), Dennis Walling (212), Dustin Schmeltz (212), and Matthew Taylor (257,235).

The 659 rolled by Matthew Taylor is this season's new high series for men.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Matthew Taylor staked a claim for the Iron Throne in Division 1, while Brett Affolter had his way with Division 2. Buck Nasty walloped Division 3, and Clayton Burrow rolled his ass to the top of Division 4. In terms of overall points: Matthew Taylor leads Division 1; Scott Thompson dominates Division 2; Chris Windham runs the show in Division 3; and Carl Mueller reigns over Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 1st-place Squid Row will share a couple of pitchers with 4th-place DB Lenz a Hand (hcp 73). Squids are expected to perform well and sweep the series; while Lenz Handlers are forecast to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 5th-place It Starts Now! will tussle with 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 55). Starts might roll a little low, but split the series with Dolphins; while Dolphins ought to drop their average a bit while they keep the series tied.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 2nd-place Schindler's Fists will test their mettle against 3rd-place Grumpy Old Men (hcp 50). Fists are predicted to have a bit of an off night, yet still manage to win the series; while Grumps are anticipated to hold steady as they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Brett Affolter Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: Dustin Schmeltz	#1 H2H BOWLER Matthew Taylor Runner Up: Brett Affolter
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Jeremy, you act like I know where my balls are going." Jim Koger, after Jeremy gave Jim a suggestion for how to adjust his balls.