Due to shortage of time and me not having been there to see what actually went down, this week's recap (including all imagery) is AI-generated. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and everyone in between, gather 'round because the Fall 2023 bowling season is officially underway! Six teams have bravely stepped onto the gleaming lanes to battle it out for the most coveted prize in all of bowling: the nonexistent championship trophy. Let's dive headfirst into the glorious chaos that was the league's first night, filled with strikes, spares, and a generous sprinkling of oily balls!

Dennis "Strikes-a-Lot" Walling Takes the Spotlight
Our first hero of the evening was none other than Dennis Walling, who decided to grace us with his bowling brilliance. With a wink and a flick of his wrist, he conjured up a mesmerizing series of strikes, securing this week's high game score of 222. We're pretty sure the pins quivered in fear when they saw him approach the lane. Way to go, Dennis!

Bald Boys vs. Imaginary Number: A Mathematical Showdown
On lanes 1 and 2, it was the clash of the titans, as Balderdash faced off against √-1. Now, we're not math wizards, but we're pretty sure they hoped to outperform √-1, which is either impossible or a secret code for bowling success. Balderdash, led by the illustrious Dennis Walling and his 546 series (and assisted by Most Valuable Bowler Chris Windham), managed to collect three wins, earning them a cozy spot in 2nd place. As for Imaginary Number, AJ Hofmann and Dustin Schmeltz formed a dynamic duo with their cutely-matched 489 series (seriously, they're like two peas in a pod). Alas, they could only snatch a single win, landing them in 4th place. Keep dreaming, Imaginary Number; maybe someday you'll become real champions!

AI render of what you all looked like when you bowled.
(click to view larger)

Glory Bowl vs. The Team That Didn't Pick a Name (Oops)
Over on lanes 3 and 4, Glory Bowl celebrated their love for large, heavy balls (bowling balls, of course!) as they faced the team we shall temporarily call LenzCrafters. Brett Affolter and his 496 series powered the G-Holers to a triumphant three-win streak, propelling them to 3rd place. On the flip side, Doug Lenz and his 444 series may not have won the naming lottery for their team, but they did secure a single win. The team that didn't pick a name before the deadline (seriously, guys, you had one job) found themselves in 5th place. Perhaps a name change is in order for next week? It probably didn't help matters much that their team captain (along with her husband) was absent due to being in jail for (allegedly) streaking last weekend's Fetch DVM360 Veterinary Conference at Bartle Hall.

Vigs Eras Tour 2023 vs. The Sun Dolphins: A Battle of Epic Proportions
Lastly, on lanes 5 and 6, we witnessed an epic showdown that could only be described as Goliath vs. David, except in this case David gets his butt kicked: Vigs Eras Tour 2023 vs. the Sun Dolphins. Seth Gunderson, who proudly boasts the #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head accolades this week, wowed the audience with his mighty 555 series, leading the Vigs Tour crew to a clean sweep over the Dolphins. We hope they didn't rub it in too much, but eating cheese sticks in front of the Sun Dolphins might have been a bit much, Vigs Eras Tour! Ryan Sisco, with his valiant 411 series, was the ray of sunshine for the Dolphins, despite their team getting swept. Vigs Eras Tour 2023 emerged as the undisputed leaders, claiming 1st place, while the Dolphins sprung to life in 6th place.

So there you have it, folks! The Fall 2023 bowling season is off to a rollicking start. With more strikes, spares, one more team name on the horizon, who knows what kind of shenanigans we'll see next week. Stay tuned for more bowling madness!

Bowlers slipping into The 200 Club include: Dennis Walling (222) and Matthew Taylor (212)

A new personal high game was set tonight by Nathan Burrows (191, previous best 187). In addition, a new personal best series was rolled by Nathan Burrows (470, previous best 466).

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 1st-place Vigs Eras Tour 2023 will roll against 5th-place LenzCrafters (estimated estimated hcp 89). The Vigs Tour crew is expected to maintain their current strength as they sweep the series; while the team that didn't pick a name before the deadline so this is what they get tonight is forecast to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 2nd-place Balderdash will meet with 6th-place Sun Dolphins (estimated estimated hcp 184). Bald Boys might roll a little low, but split the series with Dolphins; while Dolphins ought to hold steady as they keep the series tied.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 4th-place √-1 will challenge 3rd-place Glory Bowl (estimated estimated hcp 2). Imaginary Number is predicted to have a bit of an off night, yet still manage to win the series; while the G-Holers are anticipated to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Chris Windham Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Matthew Taylor	#1 H2H BOWLER Seth Gunderson Runner Up: Kent Harms
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "The faster I go, the harder it gets." Michael Gordon, contemplating slowing down the pace a little.