Since I wasn't here this week to see what actually happened with bowling, this week's writeup is based entirely on the events my imagination insists must have happened on Tuesday night. The only things I know for sure is that JoAnne Barber picked up this week's high game (168) and series (487) for the women; and Dennis Walling snagged this week's high game for the men with a 235, and high series was earned by Matthew Taylor with a 612. Read on for all the rest of the details!

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: Baby Beardo arrived expecting to handily defeat I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter. But that was before they realized that James Tott would be bowling tonight. And also before they realized that Not Gutter also recruited a hit man (new sub Chris Lenz ) to break Carl's kneecaps and crush his bowling hand. With Carl severely injured so badly he couldn't even slam a ball on the ball return, it was left to Nick Kinney with his above-average 597 series to try to save the Beardettes. Unfortunately, and again because James made an appearance tonight, it was only enough for 1 win against the nonbelievers. Because in usual Tott fashion, James with his better-than-normal 569 series commanded the nonbelievers (with kudos to Most Valuable Bowler JoAnne Barber) as his team took the match with 3 wins. Despite the losses Baby Beardo remains in 1st place, while the nonbelievers move up 1 spot to 4th.

On lanes 3 & 4: The slightly sexier half of AJ's Minions arrived and immediately removed their shirts so their ripped physiques would intimidate Sun Dolphins. The strategy worked! Starring AJ Hofmann with his 496 series, the minions collected 3 wins against the dolphins despite all the efforts of JC and Scott T to think about baseball and cold showers to distract themselves. Less aroused by AJ and Jim's shenanigans, Ryan Sisco showed off his own flex for the Dolphins with a 454 series that helped his team at least notch a single win. AJ's Minions remains in 3rd place and will consider keeping their shirts on next week but are keeping all options open, while the dolphins remain in 6th.

Finally, down on lanes 5 & 6: Glory Bowl did battle with Balderdash. #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head Kent Harms shone for Glory Bowl with a breathtaking 606 series, but Matthew Taylor got annoyed by the fact that Kent won those awards for a second week in a row so barricaded Kent in the men's room for the remainder of the night. This enabled Matthew with his better-than-normal 612 series to lead the bald team to 3 wins. Glory Bowl drops 1 spot in the standings to 5th place, while the balder dashers remain in 2nd.

And, for the third week in a row, someone forgot their jacket. I didn't even need to use my imagination to predict that.

Bowlers roofying each other in The 200 Club include: Ben Spencer (202), Dennis Walling (235), James Tott (223), Kent Harms (211,224), Matthew Taylor (209,214), Michael Gordon (209), Nick Kinney (230), and Seth Gunderson (211)

The 487 rolled by JoAnne Barber is this season's new high series among women.

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Nobody claimed victory in Division 1 (though AJ Hofmann came closest), while nobody claimed victory in Division 2 (though James Tott came closest). JoAnne Barber trounced Division 3, and Collin Lavery decimated Division 4. In terms of overall points: Dennis Walling is in the driver's seat in Division 1; Scott Murdock holds the reins in Division 2; Aaron Barber dominates Division 3; and Scott Thompson reigns over Division 4.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 6th-place Sun Dolphins (hcp 63) will hang out with 5th-place Glory Bowl. The dolphins are expected to roll a little low and get swept; while the Glorious are forecast to hold steady as they rack up a sweep.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 2nd-place Balderdash will match wits with 4th-place I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter (hcp 132). The balder dashers might roll a little low, yet still manage to sweep the series; while the nonbelievers ought to drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Finally, on lanes 5&6, 3rd-place AJ's Minions (hcp 96) will compete against 1st-place Baby Beardo. The minions are predicted to maintain their current strength as they lose the series but avoid getting swept; while the Beardettes are anticipated to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB JoAnne Barber Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Kent Harms Runner Up: Matthew Taylor	#1 H2H BOWLER Kent Harms Runner Up: Matthew Taylor
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "Why is it so cold out here tonight?" Ryan Sisco, probably, while walking to his truck after forgetting his jacket again.