Last week Championship dreams were washed away for everyone except CICK Ass, and last night 40 bowlers experienced the drowning of whatever hope they had left of winning the Tournament of Champions. But for 8 of you there could be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, as next week the top two members of each division will compete for the largest Tournament of Champions prize in league history! More on that in a little bit, let's get through last night's scores...

The fifteenth week of Spring 2019 saw one team climb in the standings, while one team slipped. Freda Schroeder picked up this week's high game (206) and series (475) for the women, while Ken M. Wilson earned this week's high game (243) and series (684) for the men. Read on for all the rest of the details!

First up, on lanes 1 & 2: JoAnne's Dirty PJs shadow-boxed with an unexpectedly-absent Holy Forkin Shirt Balls. Topped by first-time Most Valuable Bowler Jeremy Varnell and his above-average 462 series, Dirty PJs landed a clean sweep over Shirtballs. With Shirtballs forfeiting, all Dirty PJs needed to do was roll within 40 pins of their combined team average each game. No problemo! JoAnne's Dirty PJs remains in 11th place, while Shirtballs remain in 12th.

Dennis C: Why is Scott checking the weather?
AJ: I don't know. Obviously this building is the safest place we could be. After all, based on the pinsetters, it's clearly been standing since the late 1700s.

On lanes 3 & 4: Pin Is King spent some quality time with We Don't Give a Split. Though reinforced by Michael Gordon and Russell Bingham with their combined 528 series (just kidding, they tied), PinIs Kings accomplished only 1 win against Split Not Given. On the other side of the ball rack, Aubrey Moren with his 535 series commanded Split Not Given as his team took the match with 3 wins. Pin Is King remains in 2nd place, while Split Not Given remains in 4th.

On lanes 5 & 6: #MGAGA got a little bit of a morale boost with their first winning week in a month (and only their 6th all season) with a 3-1 plunging of Bowl Movements. Strengthened by Aaron Barber with his 541 series, Hashtags collected 3 wins against Movements. Meanwhile Conor Clarke pinched off a better-than-normal 497 series for Movements to help save his team from being flushed down completely. #MGAGA climbs 1 spot in the standings to 9th place, while Movements sink 1 spot to 10th.

On lanes 7 & 8: In a battle that really could have gone in any direction, a deBenned Extreme Outliers had a rendezvous with a briefly Chadless BDE. Headlined by Nicole Yancy with her astonishing 329 series, Outliers collected 3 wins. Jeremy Cline with his slightly-off 514 series called the shots for BDE despite his team notching only a single win. Extreme Outliers remains in 7th place, while BDE remains in 3rd.

On lanes 9 & 10: In a battle of good against evil, the meek and helpless The Pin Is Mightier offered up all the prayers and burnt offerings and sacrifices all they could short of slaughtering the first-born male child of every household to try to appease the dark lords of CICK Ass. Those prayers went unanswered. Despite being propelled by Luke Melton with his above-average 458 series, Mightiers got smited by CICK Ass. Among the Four True Bowling Gods, #1 Power Ranked and #1 Head-to-Head Ken M. Wilson and his better-than-normal 684 series drew the spotlight of CICK Ass as they swept the competition. The Pin Is Mightier remains in 8th place, while CICK Ass remain in 1st.

Finally, down on lanes 11 & 12: A well-matched pair of rivals gathered as Open Frames R Us and Scoot's Raging Bone Spur chucked an unusually high number of gutter balls between them. Showcasing Monica Hufford with her 449 series, Open Frames collected 2.5 wins against Bone Spurs. Countering this, Sean Miller with his better-than-normal 493 series guided Bone Spurs despite his team losing the matchup with only 1.5 victories. Open Frames R Us remains in 6th place, while Bone Spurs remain in 5th. The Total Series tie marks the very first tie we have seen all season, and coincidentally results in these two teams being tied in terms of win-loss record.

Bowlers who crashed the party at The 200 Club and clearly did way too much cocaine include: Carl Goetz (237,223), Conor Clarke (204), Freda Schroeder (206), Garrett Rathbone (212), Ian Goetz (225,235), Ken M. Wilson (226,215,243), Luke Clark (246,245), Matthew Taylor (226), Russell Bingham (211), and Seth Gunderson (212)

In this week's Tournament of Champions brackets: Carl Goetz dominated Division 1, while nobody claimed victory in Division 2 (though Conor Clarke came closest). Nobody claimed victory in Division 3, and in fact we aren't even going to talk about Division 3 as it was a complete embarassment, and Michael Whiles claimed victory in Division 4. Finally, Ken M. Wilson (Division 1) cleaned up this week's Interdivisional bracket. And Jeremy Varnell (Division 2) proved that he belongs in the Master Bowling Nation by playing with himself to completion. Congratulations to our division champions! The following eight people will compete next week for the big prize! Division 1: Ken Wilson and Ian Goetz. Division 2: Sean Miller and Rob Kaszuba. Division 3: Ben Spencer and Luke Melton. Division 4: Michael Whiles and Nicole Yancy.

NEXT WEEK:

• First, on lanes 1&2, 1st-place CICK Ass (hcp 36) will match wits with 2nd-place Pin Is King. CICK Ass are expected to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while PinIs Kings are forecast to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 3&4, 3rd-place BDE will challenge 4th-place We Don't Give a Split. BDE might roll a little low and lose the series but avoid getting swept; while Split Not Given ought to drop their average a bit even as they enjoy their victories.
• Then, over on lanes 5&6, 5th-place Scoot's Raging Bone Spur will chuck some balls with 6th-place Open Frames R Us (hcp 12). Bone Spurs will likely roll decently and sweep the series; while Open Frames will probably hold steady as they endure a rough night.
• Next up, on lanes 7&8, 7th-place Extreme Outliers (hcp 55) will roll against 8th-place The Pin Is Mightier. Outliers might maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Mightiers ought to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.
• Moving to lanes 9&10, 9th-place #MGAGA will throw some gutter balls with 10th-place Bowl Movements (hcp 152). Hashtags will likely roll a little low, yet still manage to sweep the series; while Movements will probably drop their average a bit while they endure a rough night.
• Finally, on lanes 11&12, 11th-place JoAnne's Dirty PJs (hcp 50) will battle 12th-place Holy Forkin Shirt Balls. Dirty PJs are predicted to maintain their current strength as they win the series; while Shirtballs are anticipated to drop their average a bit while they avoid getting swept.

^*(Remember, the predicted results above are based on mathematical extrapolations and can be changed by all sorts of factors. If you don't like how your team's results are predicted, you and your teammates have the power to prove the math wrong!)

THIS WEEK'S MVB Ken Wilson Runner Up: (See Posting)	#1 POWER BOWLER Ken Wilson Runner Up: Luke Clark	#1 H2H BOWLER Ken M. Wilson Runner Up: Ian Goetz
FROM THE GUTTER (GUTTER QUOTE) "But I did get wet earlier today getting my steps in." Freda Schroeder, after being asked if she got soaked in the rain getting to the bowling alley.

PS - This post ended up not really having much to do with rainbows, did it? Oh well. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The bowlers, the dreamers, and me.